Scottholemew's Written Grammar Appendix

This week I was in a lecture in my Business Communications class.  One of our areas of study throughout the semester has been on proper written grammar.  In our discussions, there was always this lingering feeling that the correct way to write anything depended on either who would be reading your work or who was giving you advice on how to write it, but the difference was never really big enough or subjective enough to be of much significance.  Until this week.  In this particular lecture, the professor gave us two completely opposite examples of a phrase and asked us which one was correct.  When she told us the answer she felt was correct, another student in the class pointed out that the author of our particular textbook teaches that the opposite was correct.

I wish I had written down what the exact phrase was, but the moral of the story that I came out of that class with was that written English is completely subjective and it does not matter in the slightest whose rules you are using when writing.  Therefore, I give you:  "Scottholemew's Written Grammar Appendix"

Rule #1:  When writing a number, many often wonder whether it is proper to write out the number in word format, or whether they can just put the number.  I say, write it out IN ALL CAPS.  Additionally, it is appropriate to begin the number with "#" and ending it with an asterisk (*).  It is also recommended to put an explanation of the number at the end of the sentence.

     example:  "I counted #FOUR HUNDRED THIRTY SIX* people at the seminar *436."

Additionally, when the number is being expressed as a measurement, like dollars or meters, it is now appropriate to do it Twitter style, like this:

     "Your payment of (@DOLLARS)#ONE THOUSAND SIX HUNDRED TWENTY SEVEN AND ELEVEN*(@CENTS) is now due *$1,627.11."

Or,

     "Please check your tires every #SIX MILLION(@KILOMETERS)* *6,000,000km."

Rule #2:  In a series of adjectives, why overload a sentence with unnecessary commas?  Just use slashes!  Also, use an ampersand (&) in place of the final slash.

     example:  "I would like to order #THREE*(@POUNDS) of lean/juicy/delicious/fantastic/meaty/beautiful/edible/great/sweet&spicy ground beef, please *3lbs."

Rule #3:  Ever had trouble distinguishing between paragraphs?  Not if you format your paragraphs like this:

Many things are important in life.  Some people think that water is pretty important.  That’s debatable.  Food/clothing/shelter&companionship are equally controversial.  Apparently, the most important thing in life is knowing how to format business reports.  This is the message I seem to be getting in my classes. Good thing I only have #ONE* more report to write in that class *1.