Have you ever run across someone so unbelievably chatty that you wanted to murder them in the face? I’m fairly certain I am not alone in this. It always starts so innocently; perhaps you are standing in a hallway talking to someone, maybe you’re sitting in your apartment, maybe you’re walking through campus, but wherever you are, over-talkative people strike often and without mercy. They’re not bad people, so you’ll say something like “Hey what’s up!” or, “Hey how’s it going?” A normal person may respond with a simply reply or may actually repeat the same thing and go on their way. Unfortunately, people who leave their mouths on autopilot take this as an open invitation to give you as much information about themselves in as much time it takes before you smack them across the face and take off running.
As I was pondering on this problem recently, an idea came to me for an alternative greeting for people such as these that you would rather avoid talking to but don’t have the heart to treat them how you would truly like to treat them, i.e. telling them to just keep walking, or to get out of your apartment, or to please stop talking to you for the rest of eternity. I thought I would share this idea with the masses so you could either share in the glory of avoiding long one-sided “conversations” or tell me it’s not working and you’re still getting attacked by useless information.
First of all, for this idea to work you must allow said chatterbox to greet you first. This will work to your advantage anyways, because if they fail to acknowledge you, you are in no way obligated to say anything to them and you can move along and count your blessings. In the event they do extend the first salutation, the magical phrase is this: “Hey, good to see you!” If you say this with the correct tone of voice, as if you are completely fixated on your current destination, train of thought, task, etc. and have no intentions of deviating from that course of action, you can almost certainly avoid any additional talking with that person and continue safely on your way.
Let me explain why this phrase is ideal for avoiding endless-talkers. First and foremost, “Good to see you” is a common phrase exchanged at the end of a conversation before two or more people part ways. Although it is commonly spoken at the beginning of conversations as well, there is definitely a difference in the tone of voice that could convey either “Good to see you, I can’t wait to talk to you right now!” or “Good to see you, it’s been great to finally talk to you again!” This goes back to the importance of using the right tone of voice when employing this evasive tactic and ensuring that your tone of voice says, “Good to see you, but not good enough to spend precious moments of such a short lifetime speaking to you!”
The real gold in this phrase is that it is, in fact, a one-sided conversation in and of itself. To explain this, let me break down this phrase into four pieces:
Hey — This is the most versatile part of the magical phrase, as the word “Hey” could potentially be switched out for any useless salutational phrase of your choosing. Words like “Hello,” or “Hi,” or “Howdy,” or even a light-hearted “Howdily-doodily-do!” Any way you say it, this takes care of the greeting part of your conversation.
Good — Not only is this word thinly veiling how you feel about seeing the person again, but it also serves to answer the most common first question in any conversation; “How are you?” or “How’s life?”
To — Normally, this word would be part of the infinitive “to see” which is what “Good” is describing. In our original context, “to see” is referring to “you,” the person who you are desperately trying to avoid. However, in this breakdown, “to” is doing something entirely different. Now that you’ve firmly established your greeting and the first part of your one-sided conversation with “Hey, good,” “to” is representing everything that you could possibly say from the beginning of the conversation to the end of it. Much like we say “A to Z,” or as I so masterfully eluded to about 20 words ago, “Beginning to end,” “to” here is summing up your entire possible conversation into one word and getting right to the grand finale:
See You — Herein lies the genius of this phrase. Not only is this phrase casual and all encompassing, but it also has a built-in parting exclamation. What’s more is that because it is only “see you,” you have not specified exactly when you would like to see that person again. You might as well have said, “See you when I would like to see you again, which would preferably be never, but in an extreme case, at your funeral.”
The only downside to using this phrase is if you happen to come across someone of whom it actually is good to see, you may have to change your approach. For example: “Greetings, friend! I am pleased to see you at this time and would like to catch up on old times with you through friendly conversation and banter!” or something non-threatening like that.
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